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BLOODY EXCUSES
Did you miss me? I forgot I had a blog. Seems many of you have. Until I remember that I do have a blog (or two, or three, or more), I have nearly started a new one.
-->alleged new blog
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20sux
I see 20 six finally got around to making the February changes. About bloody time. But what's this password protection nonsense? I had no blocks on my site before, so why now? Thankfully, Kuriyama rattled my cage with an email letting me know that I now had to spend a couple of hours trying to get things partially back to normal. Thank You Mr K.
Oh, I did get an email letting me know that 20six was about to attempt the legendary changes but it was worded so matter of factly that I never would have figured that it would have kept my hardcore following (about three people) from accessing my site. I am sorry that you were all accidently barred. I hope there were no serious injuries or sudden suicides amongst my fans. If so, can I have your shit?
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SAVE THE WORLD ON A BUDGET
I was passing time at the airport yesterday and was leafing through all the latest books and magazines when I came across one of the most frightening things I had ever seen. In this magazine called something like 'Something News and World Report' (Mind you, I don't usually bother trying to read about such things but I was being eyed by a woman wearing glasses, so I felt obligated) It was all a load of cack but one story in particular caught my eye. A story that I really wish I hadn't seen at all.
Apparently the US Army is calling upon civilians (that's army lingo for all the rest of us who don't feel the urge to go to foreign countries and kill all their citizens) to help them with something they don't seem to be able to get their head around. And that is the so-called 'War on Terror'. What they are asking is for all you 'civilians' (the word itself seem to connotate a certain civility. I wonder why that is?) to let them know by writing and submitting a paper explaining how they might go about 'countering insurgency'.
The reason they are asking is because apparently they just don't know. Directly quoting from the source, "The Army needs to understand about counter insurgency..." and surmises, "Nothing less than the future of the civilised world might depend on it". And to show that they are not just trying to be ironic, they have even offered the princely sum of US $1,000 for the 'winning' entry. Imagine that. That a paper some over-patriotic cunt will write, will not only save the world but in turn for this herculean task, will be compensated for their noble act with an amount that just might pay for a month's worth of petrol, a Mars bar and 'a little something from the top rack' whilst waiting for their tank to fill.
I'm sorry, but this is beyond comprehension. If this isn't some sort of big hardy-fucking-har, then I am sure that we're much more fucked than we ever could imagine. We KNOW that Bush is a completely clueless idiot but has working with him over that last 5-6 years, rubbed off on the generals who are suppose to be experienced in this sort of thing? Has Rumsfeld learned to hypnotise people into forgetting all they ever knew? Are the creators of South Park scripting everyone's lives now? 'Praise the Lord and pass the eraser'.
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IN SPIDER IT ALL
Tell me this hasn't happened to you. You can just be sitting there watching the tele, minding your own business and suddenly you get the ever-so-slightest feeling that you are being watched. And it doesn't take long to find out just who's watching you. A quick crane of the neck and there it is in the upper crease of the wall. A feckin' spider. The uninvited hairy beast. I do not like spiders in general. When they are indoors, I actually hate them.
And no matter how great the show is that you are watching, you find yourself repeatedly checking 'the spot' over and over. But the wee fecker has now decided to stay completely and utterly still. If you couldn't hear it's wheezing, you'd swear that it was dead. But all the time, you know it's not because you can still feel those eyes on you. Just before you saw it, you know it was burning a path across your wall at good pace. But now, nothing. Why do they decide that once you've seen them, to freeze as if it didn't move for long enough, it might just become invisible? Anyone?
Well, I'll tell you why. Because they do. Apparently spiders have either mastered or has come pre-delivered with the ability to become invisible. But ONLY after you've seen them. Some sort of creepy Harry Potter thing that ignites between the two of you starts this process where it becomes invisible, and you become bewildered. You looked at it and looked at it. But it never moved. So eventually you forgot to look at it and 'Shazam!", it's gone. How do they fucking do it?
I've gotten to the point that I am compelled so to make sure that they are dead at any cost. The problem is is that when I do try to kill them, they already seem to know it and time it so that when I start to stab at them with your weapon of choice, they simultaneously fling themselves at me. Which of course, raises the deaded possibility of any non-wanted contact with them. At this point I close my eyes as a natural defence, and when I open them, the spider is gone, gone, gone. Blended in with the darkness of the carpet. Or fallen behind something too large to just whip aside and start investigating. Half happy that it is gone, but it now knows that I have tried to kill it. Which takes me to a whole new area of sleepless nights.
My fear is that after I have stripped down and get all scrunched-up-comfy in my bed, the bastard is going to suddenly appear next to me an touch my naked flesh and forever soil me with it's creepiness. And then no one will ever, ever want to be next to me again. All because some creepy fucking spider has touched me with it's percy, maybe even peed on me or worse! I can't bear to think about it anymore. My ability to get close to other humans has now been forever tainted and it's all over for me. I am well an truly alone and now face an uncertain future as a pariah. An outcast of society. A loser amongst losers. I've even lost my old friend, the horn. I've got to get out more.
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TWAT'S THAT IN THE MIRROR?
After watching some of the footy yesterday I did something totally unplanned. I got up and went straight into the bog and proceeded to clip off all my hair. Me, the Thirteenth Duke of Windom, left alone, with scissors? What the fuck was I thinking?
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THIS TOWN IS A GHOST TOWN
I feel like the captain of his ship, standing stoically as the waters rise all around me. Scratch that. I'm no captain around here. More like one of the rats. But then again, if I were one of the rats, then I would have scurried off sometime ago sensing the impending dangers. So actually, I have just been lying low to see what 20six plans on doing before I make any decisions. But I must confess, if 20six waits much longer then they will definitely out-wait me because I am well and truly bored with this waiting game. The rumours stating in late November and when we finally heard that these rumours were indeed true, it was already the new year. Then we're told that theses changes would take place mid to late February.
I've always been told that being late, even if only a matter of minutes, is unprofessional. Anything more than ten minutes had better be followed by a damned good excuse (preferably one than includes the death of one or more of those involved). But this is well beyond excusable, especially when no attempt has been made to make an excuse. This is beginning to appear like a George Bush scenario. Fuck up after fuck up without any explanation whatsoever. I can only come to the conclusion that those who 'run' (perhaps 'walk' might be a better description?) have apparently all died from the bird flu.
They just fecked off and left us with a car without the keys and an empty fuel tank. The question is, is there enough of us left here to push this great hulk to help send it over the cliff into the awaiting quarry? Most of the great 20sixers have gone on to better things, although there are still a few stars about (to quote the oft-used cliche - you know who you are). Personally, I was always hoping that 20six would get it together and all our friends would come back and ressurrect us all back to those earlier days of greatness. But perhaps I am just getting old and sentimental. Perhaps, like most of the time, those great old days never really were that great. They only seem so through the mists of time and the quickly daubed tear - added for dramatic effect.
Just like life itself, I suppose it is time to submit to the changes, as everything must come to an end. I'll miss this place far more than I ever missed friends from school or ex-work employees. That's because unlike those other institutions, we all chose to be here. We got to know each other in a good way, a non-intrusive way, a non-threatening way (for the most part). We learned about each other's families and problems and even managed to gather round (although electronically) for support and encouragement. Something completely new to most of us, a sort of electronic community, unemcumbered by harsh rules, censorship or too many real evil gits messing it up for the rest of us. Oh well. We tried. I tried. Perhaps not as hard as I could have but it's a bit difficult to get too excited when the finger of doom begins wiggling around in your bum. You just know that's never a good sign.
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GIS US YER GENES
I've been reading again. And when I reads, I thinks. And when I thinks. I blogs. And when I get a hold of some stupid little thingy, I beats it like a dead horse. (Sorry about that) We have all come to the understanding that with the new unbridled growth in technology, there comes many a downside. Technology is almost always meant to make things easier, and in many cases it does. But with these new breakthroughs come various downsides that sometimes ends up making you wonder if it was all really worth it or not. I just read about one of the downsides in the field of Biotechnology. Seems greed again has got some legal minds working overtime with this one.
When a Biotech company isolates a gene in a living or once living entity that may cause a specific outcome or behaviour, it is now recognised legally as the 'inventor' of said gene and can register it's findings and then work exclusively on that gene, effectively blocking out any other firms with the same inclination. This is known as 'Bio-prospecting'. What a quaint little term. Although these laws are basically international, it is far more prevelant in the United States. It used to be so that you could only patent things after you had come to an effective solution; correcting the defect in the gene or showing how it can be altered to achieve the desired outcome. Hence many companies still work on the cure for TB or cancer but any new great killers will have to wait their turn. As a result, these new laws tend to delay finding much needed cures for the sake of one company being able to secure future profits and relaxing the timetable for cures.
But as if that wasn't getting a bit nit-fucking-picky, a newly invented law called 'Sovereign Enclosure' now allows countries to lay claim to any raw genetic resources within their bounderies forcing these Bio-prospectors to agree to share their future profits with the government of said country, long before any discoveries are even, well, discovered. Now how fucking crafty is that? It's like your landlord saying, "You realise, of course, when you've finished with that novel you've been writing in your office, which is my property, I'll be expecting regular royalty checks from you?" And if that isn't enough, your local county and city governments get to take a cut of your work as well. And if it comes from a specific area in which indigenous communities may and/or have existed, they too are seeing their pound of flesh syphoned from your post office account. In a word, hyper-ownership.
So as before, you can own a cow or sheep, but the government, and a host of others, now owns their genes. Personally, I find this well beyond nonsensical. I really wish people who can think so deeply about issues would put that creativity to work on actually helping the greater good than just being lawyers. I only wish I had invented greed. Then I could have patented it and been the richest person to ever have lived. And you just know that we'll all die from whatever it is these firms may eventually be working on long before this mess gets sorted out.
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BRING YOUR MAC, IT'S GETTING A BIT VILE IN HERE
Out of all the people I know, I am easily the least likely to become poorly, in the cold/flu/hang-nail sort of way. In terms of real illness, I am convinced that death is just around the corner. But for the second time this month, I have vomited. And it hasn't been from the demon alcohol in case that is the first thing that came into your mind. The first time was because I sat in hospital amongst thousands of plague/leprosy/ebola victims for nine hours. I challenge anyone to get out of that one alive. Then this last week I got food poisoning. Usually when I get food poisoning (I like to get it at least once a year just for the variety it adds to my life) it comes on full blast within the same day wham-bam-thank-you-maam. And next day, I'm as right as rain. But this time it was a whole new experience. This time it rolled into town like walrus on smack. Building each day. Bubbling and boiling in my guts until I started to get dizzy with the poisons slowly filling my insides. (Hope none of you are eating right about now) Problem was, I couldn't bring anything up. I writhered in pain for hours until I decided to try and entice vomit by doing some jogging and stretching. It didn't work until I started doing some sit-ups. That did it very first try. It was all I could do to hold it in until I got to the toilet. Then Wah! 'Projectile coming in over the port bow. sir'. Mind you, the only thing worse than projectile vomiting is having to clean it all up afterwards. So what was the culprit to my few days of personal hell? Oddly, it was carrot juice. So much for trying to be healthy.
UPDATE******UPDATE******UPDATE******UPDATE******UPYOURS******UPDATE******UPDATE******UPDATE
Seems there was some sort of manufacturer's recall on the very juice which made me spew orange, so I have been informed. Next time, I expect someone from the plant to knock on my door with this somewhat important news. Juice manufacturer, unlike myself, you have been warned.
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APPY-POLLY-LOGGIES 20SIX UK
A RARE APOLOGY
Ok, I was/am angry about this whole thing. Maybe I've said some things that were a bit harsh but it's only because we're losing some of our best bloggers here and the atmoshere has turned to shit. So I would like to make it clear that when I say 20six, I am referring to 20six 'the entity', or maybe more specifically 20sixDE, as they are the power centre. At no time am I referring to or directing this anger towards Jo-Jo and the others of 20sixUK who are not responsible for this huge mess and are no happier than I/We are. They are doing all they can with or without support of the big dudes. So again, if anyone at 20sixUK feels hurt/angry/upset at my comments, I apologise as they were not meant to be directed toward you.
As for you German shites, everything I said stands.
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