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THE LUNATICS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE ASYLUM
BRILLIANT. Just read that the changes have been put back until the middle or end of February. Now isn't that lovely? I got so pissed-off when I heard that I left a comment calling their IT department a shower of cunts. And to top it off, a whole new batch of fake porn and medicine ads. Is there no pride at 20six? If my work was anywhere near as poor as this, I would gladly blow my own brains out. I just cannot believe that they are so overwhelmed that these changes need to be set back an entire month. Perhaps they are trying to write their own software and are being foiled at every turn. There's an old phrase that goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". Anyone care to translate that into German with hopes that it might do some good?
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SUCK MY WHATEVER
This is getting all a bit tedious. D-Day has passed yet nothing has changed. Apparently there are no 2006 calendars available in Munchen. Yet when one thinks of German product, one of the first things that comes to mind is efficiency. Perhaps that just their cars. Apparently the Dutch and the French, being closer to Germany, are getting their improvement made before the Brits. Still being bored to an early grave with fake porn ads and cheap meds. How difficult can it be to block this sort of behaviour? Not difficult really. That is if there was someone there to monitor such activity. It's all out in the open, nothing up their sleeves. Or should I say sleeve. It's most likely the work of one or two individuals. It's not that hard to do this sort of shit. Computer 101. What's next, DOS attacks? Probably well out of reach for your average spammer or script kiddie. It's not like we're dying here. It's more like being tied up and having thousands of insects crawling all over you and not being able to do much about it. I guess we all sort of know how the city of New Orleans must have felt when their half-arsed federal government ignored their plight. 20six is playing the fiddle whilst Rome burns. The longer this goes on, the more of us are going to leave because once the bad taste in your mouth threatens to become permanent, no amount of sweeties will ever take it away.
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100 MONKEYS
Made it. Entry 100.
I am very happy to see The Arctic Monkeys have scored another number one single. Mind you, I have absolutely no idea who they are or what they sound like but I suspect they must be alright as their popularity has come strictly by word of mouth. If nothing else, they may prove to be one of the most important groups in the history of pop music. How so you ask? Because they managed to achieve their feat of two number one singles without the evil iron-fisted manoeuvrings of a record label. Like with so many artists these days, choosing to not sign to labels (at least initially) is becoming more and more the favoured choice of bands who want to retain control of their songs, image and every shred of dignity they can. Not to mentioin their money. Record companies make organised crime look like a registered charity in comparison.
Whether the Arctic Monkeys stay in the thick of things and have any sort of longevity remains to be seen but they've already confirmed that the revolution is here and it's only getting bigger and stronger as record companies profits continue to fall and the proliferation of music available on the internet skyrockets. The sky could not be bluer for indie bands at the moment. For the first time ever it is now possible to 'make it' without record label affiliation. A few people have managed this sort of thing in the past few years, (Ani deFranco comes to mind) but not entirely without a record label. (The Arctic's full length CD will be on an indie label as they've now become too big to do it themselves any longer)
The question now is, are the Arctic Monkeys going to be one of a select few groups that are going to be able to pull this off? Because with this new found freedom comes a down side. With more and more new artists around the world able to make themselves visible/viable on the internet, and with the continued success of these new, truely independent bands, it will become harder and harder for these bands to become noticed on the mind-blowingly massive internet. So someone will have to come up with a new system to help make artists stand out from the crowd. Problem is, it can't be like a major record label or an advertising agency or special software sporting a huge price tag. Whatever is next will have to be effective, honest and free. Otherwise it won't work.
We've finally understood the score. We know the truth about major labels (and many indies) and the borderline fascist organisations like the RIAA, who claim to work for the artist, but actually line their own pockets under the pretense of protecting copyrighted material. We know that payola is the backbone to getting radio airplay and most new bands are trapped in the pay-to-play scheme having to sell tickets in advance to friends and as of yet, non-existant fans in order to get booked into a club. (Exactly like the old delemma for fist time job seekers - "Do you have any experience?"/"No, I've never had a job"/"Well, I can't hire you without experience")
So The Arctic Monkeys may end up being the first band to ring in the new order and lead the way for all the new musical dreamers. Or perhaps just one of the few bands to make it without the guiding claw of a record label. Or maybe just an answer to a future pub quiz. Only time will tell.
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ANYONE FOR SUSHI?
Seems our whale friend died yesterday. I suppose we'll be seeing whale tributes for the rest of next week now. Why is it that the one's that are suppose to be the most interested in animal welfare are always the one's who in the end, force the least desired result? Scientists, Zoologists, animal fans, can you ever leave fucking animals alone? How natural is it for the animals to interact with humans? Really, not very. Especially when they live in the sea and go throughout most of their entire lives without ever seeing a human being. Then suddenly it's surrounded by noisy, threatening humans. How comforting that must be for it. Good thing it didn't make it back out of the river or it would be recommending London for all it's friend's holidays. Firstly, the whale was not fucking lost. Give the fecker more credit than that. They travel thousands of miles each year to return to spawning grounds and back and not once do they stop and ask a human for directions. I have yet to meet a whale that relies on Google Maps to get around. Yet when it suddenly arrives in the Thames, experts immediately come to the conclusion that it must be lost. Why else would it be in a river? Was it being chased by bully fish? Perhaps it was just interested in purchasing real estate near the river.
So IF it were lost, what do you suppose you could say to it to send it back out in the direction of the channel? Has someone discovered how to speak 'whale' and been keeping it a secret from the rest of the world? So these so-called experts come to the conclusion that the whale is lost and or upset/frightened/stressed/alcoholic/etc. and their first reaction is to follow it around in boats and shine lights on it. That's bound to make it feel a lot better. Try banging on the sides of your boats and yell at it too. And if it tries to beach itself as whales are want to do when they feel their time is near, I know it appreciates being yelled at some more, splashed with water and encouraged to keep struggling against the current, as we do love to watch our sports. Typical treatment usually reserved for immigrants is now extended to the animal kingdom as well. What the fuck is wrong with people? At this very moment I wish I weren't human because quite frankly, I am ashamed of the stupidity of humans. If it can't leave on it's own power, let's just kill it. "No, it died? Isn't it surprising how such a huge animal can have such a poor constitution?" Well, yes - because it was already dying you ignorant, heartless bastards.
Now scientists are excited about doing an autopsy on the whale to see what it died from. Who fucking cares what it died from? It probably had an ailment, but that ailment was suddenly surpassed by a massive heart attack. Let's get our priorities right. How about an autopsy on these so-called expert's brains? Let's find out why when these sort of natural things happen, they feel the need to know more by getting directly involved with creatures that just want to be left alone, to die in peace, without being chased around for miles and harrased. I'd like to be around when one of these fucks is dying some night and flash torches at them and chase them around their hospital beds, banging a bed pan, splashing water on them and yelling, "Go away, go back to where you came from, little fella". How can otherwise intellegent people be so stupid and not even realise it? We've got a dead whale on their hands and all they can think of is chopping it up, looking at the bits, then binning them. Sell the damned thing to Japan. It's got to be worth at least a couple hundred quid. Priorities, remember?
What say the next time one of these bloody 'lost' whales enters the Thames, we just shoot the fucking thing? It would be much more humane.
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LAST-ISH WILL AND TESTICLE
As of now, this is my 98th entry. Not bad for two and a half years at 20six. Actually, it is rather pathetic. I did disappear for quite a few months after the newness of blogging wore off but I really should have been more prolific. It's not as if I couldn't be. Not a day goes by where I haven't written something long, drawn-out and tedious enough to make me wonder about my own mental stability. I can't help it really. Shit just flies through the air and sticks to me. You see? That single line alone just reeks of prose. I'm lucky in that way. I'm nowhere as prolific as, say, those mass-market paperback hacks who have loads of ghostwriters working for them who sign non-disclosure agreements. But I could have written a lot more than 98 entries up to now. There's what, 365 days in a year? Seems a majority of people leave off for the weekends so that's 2 less days per week. So that's, 261 days? (I hate fucking maths regardless of the level of ease) Then there are, I'm guessing, 600 bank and religious holidays? Which leaves er. About 150 odd entries short of a casual blogger. It's official, I'm fucking pathetic.
And it's not as if I couldn't do it. I mean, I could. I don't work a daily job with a nightmare commute that follows me home to mess with my personal life. The problem with blogging is deciding what needs or is appropriate to blog and what should be kept to one's self. I worry about that sort of thing all the time. Well, not all the time, just when I decide to blog. Most of the time, I write an entry then never post it. Either because I think that no one would really be interested or sometimes because I think it might be too personal, too telling about myself or those around me. Many times I'll write an entry and when reading it back findout that in a single paragraph I have written 16 'fucks', 12 'bastards', 8 'wankers', but only three 'cunts' (Only three because I wouldn't want to offend ; ) . Sometimes I intend to follow-up and entry the next day but end up having to go somewhere and when I get back, I see the entry and then suddenly remember and fill the air with 16 'fucks', 12 'bastards'...
Some may think I have a problem that needs to be addressed, constantly using such language. Perhaps I do. But I actually remember the exact moment when I made the decision that swearing is merely adding adjectives to my vocabulary and if I offend people along the way with such a trivial thing as adjectives, then fuck them. They are far too soft to be alive. Harsh? Yes, it is but personally I've always looked up to people who know tell it like it is. Honesty goes a long way with me. And besides, using such language does not automatically include being rude. One can swear up a storm and still be polite to others if one chooses. I don't swear to upset other people. I do it because it makes me happy. I correct myself. Actually, I do it because it makes me happy because it upsets other people. Reaction to swearing should be like water down a duck's back. Natural and not to be taken personally. Personally, I get offended when someone insists on talking about their god or themselves (which for many people, is the same thing) or say stupid things in general. I am highly offended by that sort of 'personalised' behaviour.
If you are still reading then you're probably wondering what exactly is my point. Well, remember when Johnny Rotten said, "Ever feel like you've been cheated?" Well, what I am saying is, there is no point. This is just an entry for the sake of posting. I figure since I am at entry number 98, I might as well make it to 100 before D-Day. And since I have nothing in particular to talk about and you are all probably tired of me whinging about footy, then I just decided to get all Henry Miller and just type out a stream-of-conscieousness entry because it's rather existentialist and cool to just go with the flow sometimes. And besides, sometimes it's just... OK, shut it, that's number 98.
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THINKING OF HAVING A CHILD? KEEP THE RECIEPT
I ran into someone I hadn't seen for years the other day and found out that she was now married and had a son. She had her son with her. He seemed quite small and calmly sat by her side. I like that sort of behaviour in small children. Well, to be fair, in anyone really. If anyone's going to be obnoxious, I insist it be me. After a few minutes, she turned to her son and introduced him to me. We looked at each for a moment before he turned his eyes away.
Call me old fashion but I remember a time when children were shy when meeting strangers for the first time. Especially very young children as this wee fellow obviously was. There followed a long painful silence where I felt that if no one was going to speak again, I might as well get up and on my way to do something productive. So clearing my throat, I leaned forward a bit to accentuate the fact that I was speaking to a small child, and spoke, "And how old are you, little man?".
I really was expecting the boy to bury his face into his mum's side in a display of shyness OR perhaps the always charming holding up of fingers to illustrate and say, "This many", OR even the specialty of the dumb child who asks his mother how old he was. But unfortunately I got what I least expected, a snarling, screwed up face yelling, "I'm five. And what's it to you, you perv?". Can't wait to have kids of my own.
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ROONEY'S ARSE AND ALL
Thierry Henry. Certainly not your average footballer. But apparently a marvelous dancer.
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SON OF THE SECOND COMING OF THE ANTI-CHRIST'S THIRD COUSIN
Alright. I know I really shouldn't bother but it seems that quite a few of the 20six originals are getting a bit worried about the changes upcoming. That's probably because change done by big organisations usually means promising new and exciting options to their customers but actually deliver only what's best for the big organisation. Is this sort of thing upsetting to anyone? I mean, aren't we used to that sort of thing in our lives? We should be as it hits us smack in the face on a daily basis. It's to the point that if we manage to get home at the end of the day and 'feel' as though we haven't been thoroughly buggered, then we feel as though we've had a pretty good day.
Another reason fear has spread over the community is that although most of us know some sort of changes are coming, we are not really sure what those changes are. 20six Matriarch Jo-Jo did inform us through the customer service site about what some of the changes would entail but still, she has been given the barest bit of information herself. Seems a bit odd that the (and I love using this ominous sounding - but meaningless- phrase) 'Powers That Be' haven't bothered to inform but a few directly via email or even a posting on the home page. Many 20sixer's have taken this sort of non-communicado as a 'fuck you and take your poxy blogs with you' attitude eminating from mission control.
Personally, I haven't a clue as to what to expect other than that a lot of people will end up fucking off to greener pastures and a lot of lost entries and pictures and probably non-working passwords, formatting, and the bird flu. But what do you expect? Any upgrading, much less switching software on a server is bound to cause all sorts of horrible shit to happen. And if they are using Microsoft products, we will be lucky to even have a 20six UK at all for weeks afterwards. So I suppose it's just best to sit back and see what happens and reserve any serious critisisms. Expect the worst and we might just end up being pleasantly surprised. Or we may never hear from each other again.
If I die during the operation, I would like to leave all my Sweeties (which will apparently not exist after the change - how fecking EU is that?) to the individual who has left the most comments on my blog (prior to this entry, of course). Those who do choose to move on and you know that I read your blog (or even those who think I would like their blog) please email me at my profile email addy to let me know where you are. Even if you don't know it already, it wouldn't be too hard to sort out. There are no other feckinedjits at Yahoo Eire. Well, I'm sure there are a great deal of feckinedjits at Yahoo, it's just that they don't have the balls to advertise it in their email addy. If you stay here but have to change your title or name, scream at me until I notice you. Ta very much.
Now if everyone would please get into the emergency landing position...
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ICH (NICH) BIN EIN BERLINER, MATE
I didn't check my email yesterday or the daily news page from the BBC would have faithfully informed me that yesterday was a truly historic day. And I would have posted that on 26th June, 1963, the world received the startling news that JFK, in a speech in Berlin, informed the German people that he is indeed, "a jelly doughnut".
Try telling that to your constituents nowadays...
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FECKINEDJIT: NOT JUST A NAME, A WAY OF LIFE
Cast your minds back to my holiday misadventure where I had my new digital camera wretched from my very being. And all the kind words and assorted curses vented towards my hotel room thieves. I did appreciate the verbal support as this sort of thing seems to happen to me on a regular basis. Whenever something nice happens to me, it is usually followed soon after by some sort of unfortunate or semi-tragic episode, such as the loss of an arm whilst attempting to do my own laundry earlier in the year (Which reminds me, I never finished that story).
Well, I always had this sort of feeling that something just didn't fit right in the disappearance of said camera. Everyone I spoke to about the incident (including my lawyer) encouraged me to contact the company which owns the hotel and file a complaint and demand some sort of restitution - with the mindset that they can afford to replace such a small item as opposed to having to deal with any unwanted negative publicity. But in order to do that I thought I would have to deal with the local police and did not wish to return to the 'scene of the crime' in order to register my complaint with them. Perhaps that was just an excuse but I just did nothing and wondered the usual 'why me's' and eventually let it die.
Last week I received a telephone call from the really lovely girl from the car hire shop to tell me that she personally went through the car after I had told her about the incident. Seems there's this wee tiny compartment in some of these new cars that are made for things like garage-door remotes or sunglasses and whatnot. You know, she's right. So there is. Well, I'm must confess that I do feel a bit silly now. She's posted the camera and all is well with the world again. I must now ring up the manager of this 'den of thieves' establishment and assure him that he will not have to have any of his workers deported. And if that isn't enough, the girl from the hire shop told me she was going to take a 'special' picture of herself with the camera. My mind boggles. Now I just hope that customs doesn't feel the need to investigate the content of the camera...
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