The Saddest of the Sad

4.2.05 10:37 Permalink / 4 Comments / comment

PAUL SIMON GETS ON MY TITS I was thinking about music as I do every thirty or so seconds and I began thinking about radio in the olden days. By olden days, I mean when it was safe to even switch a radio on. To do so nowadays takes too much preparation; special clothing, sealed doors and windows (so no one else hears the noise wafting about and realises that YOU are listening to the radio?!), a lack of standards, or just having exhausted every other possible diversion (including a fifth or sixth wank of the day) And while I was reminiscing on the way it used to be, I thought about the The definative Simon & Garfunkle hits collection I purchased in a second hand shop on CD last year. You see, I had never owned anything by them before-having been turned off by the thought of them in the last fifteen years because of Paul Simon's new found success with hit after hit of complete wank (except for the Macca like "Kodachrome") and thought, "These guys write some nice tunes. Perhaps I should find out if I missed any gems", as I had only heard the tracks that were played on the radio. So, I bought this aforementioned hits package. It seemed pretty good, most of the twenty tracks I had actually heard on the radio at one time or another and really looked forward to getting home and giving it a proper listen. So i got comfortable with a mug of the old chai and sat back with the headphones on and listened; Wednesday Morning, 3 a.m.. hmmm, I had heard this before, I just wasn't familiar with the title. Next track, The Sounds of Silence. Something was already starting to bother me. I wasn't quite sure what it was but one thing was for certain, I did not like the photo on the back of the CD of Simon, with his small, irritating moustache, looking into the camera in a smug, condescending fashion. Not that smug and condescending is a bad thing. Oh contrare, being smug and condescending has it's virtues, especially in photographs. It can speak volumes in an instant. But for this sawed-off, half-pint little twat to even attempt condescending, was grating on my senses. What about all the peace and love that this cunt was writing about? I continued to listen to the next few songs when it hit me: These guys were NOT having any fun. They were recording these songs about life, people, peace and love, but they weren't happy about it one bit. There is not one moment on this CD where they appear or project any sort of humour, any sort of good will, any sort of warmth whatsoever. The recordings have that cold, cold American studio sound which hampered all sixties acts and reflected that America was not the same happy place that Britain was in the sixties. Over time, of course, the facts were indeed so that neither of the two were happy chefs. Apparently, it was to the point that they could barely stand the sight of one another; Simon arrogant, demanding and abusive to all around him and Garfunkle a powerless stiff of a man, wallowing in a situation he could do nothing about. I suppose the reason they sounded so 'uplifting' on the radio was, most all the other songs of the time were full of life, humour and the ever present good vibes of the day. But having to sit and listen to track after track of these two goons made me fast forward through the remainder of the CD, my chest actually heavy with gloom. This is the kind of shit you give to people you don't really like, as a birthday present, making you look thoughtful but with the hope that they too will choke on their own saliva. I'm not sorry I bought this CD because many of the songs are well written and actually quite nice. Unfortunately they were recorded by two miserable cunts who should have restricted themselves to songwriting because that bile transcended their stomach linings and spilled all over these recordings, making me tetchy as fuck at the thought of it. Am I getting started again?

13.7.04 10:24 Permalink / 2 Comments / comment

Do you own an ipod? If so, you are about to become a vicious criminal. In America, anyway. Well, that is if the good senator Orin Hatch of Utah has his druthers. Seems he has been spending his constituence's tax money on yet another fanatical scheme (he of the DMCA) to halt what he considers to be the greatest threat to mankind in the last fifty years: Illegal Downloads. The 'Inducing Infringement of Copyrights Act' also plans to shutdown all peer-to-peer networks (hence stepping all over the American "First Amendement" right/concept of free speech) for instigating people to break the law by offering downloads. And it's just not the ipod, or it's creators, Apple Computer but any and all companies which produce MP3 players, recordable CD and DVD recorders, including all computer manufacturers and any company making such systems which can record or transfer sound or pictures. Phew. All because their innovative products provoke the temptation to download. Clearly, this man is obsessed with downloading, illegal or otherwise. He doesn't even approve of the online shops itunes Music Stores, the new Napster or any of the legal download sites. "Why", might any reasonably sound person ask, "is he so obsessed with downloading?". Good question says I. It appears that Mr. Hatch is obsessed not so much with the cause (songs downloaded gratis) but the effect (royalties not being recieved). You see, he says he isn't getting paid. Hmmm. Add songwriter and fanantical luddite to that C.V. as well. Sadly, the pathetic irony is, his stuff is not being downloaded by anyone, anywhere. But, in my new found Zen-ish-ism state, I can't be bothered to unleash a flurry of venomous barbs towards this sad, sorry, delusioned individual. Besides, he has about as much of a chance of enforcing such vaccuous, mindnumbingly useless personal agenda wank, as I do of being able to actually create a daily, (nay - even weekly) feckinedjit 20six blog entry. In other words, not a chance in fecking hell. Where, incidentally, the world will one day see all those greedy cunts who, no matter how much money they extort from music and movie lovers the world over, find it's never enough. Even so, many legitimate companies in America are shaking in their boots at the thought of another snatch of Hatch. (btw, the bold is just for emphisis. i don't do links.)

8.7.04 11:22 Permalink / comment

QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY WORSE FUCKS ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH THAN THE RIAA? first it was tipper gore and the war on lyrics. and then all that ozzy/judas priest nonsense. then it was metallica's skin slapper needing another pool. now these fuck's are pulling out all the stops. seems it's not enough for them to gouge the shit out of their customers by charging a king's ransom for a CD that costs 48 cents to produce. (yes, 48 cents, 30p! it's not the retailer fucking you. they are paying anywhere from $14 to $17 per CD themselves). so now the R.I.A.A. are declaring war on the very people they need to purchase their client's product to exist. if you have ever downloaded music from the internet, you will probably be going to jail sometime in the near future, IF the R.I.A.A. has it's way. and they'll have all your cash as well thank you. and it's not just americans on their list either. about six months ago, MP3 spoofs (fake MP3 files) started to filter into the peer-to-peer software scene worldwide, the most famous being those madonna files you downloaded just to get an audio file of her ranting and cursing at you for having the nerve to "steal" her music. (funny these artists never come out and say this to the labels who not only steal their music, but their souls as well). then someone got the idea to start making MP3s available that actually contained viruses or trojan horses meant to damage your computer. (cute that, the old "two wrongs make a right" mentality). then, just when you think that the tactics could stoop no lower, a u.s senator from utah named orin hatch (himself a registered songwriter who collected $18k from mechanical royalties last year) stated his interest in finding someone who would create "something that would destroy a hard drive" to make the downloader's computer into a giant paperweight. now i am not sure, but wouldn't that violate the same laws these fucks just put into being? not that anyone actually knows what any of them are. (ironically, the very next day it was confirmed that senator hatch's own website was created with illegally obtained (non-registered) software). so now after roughing up I.S.P.s around the u.s. to produce names and details, the R.I.A.A. is now preparing legal actions against those whom they see as gross violators of unlicenced downloaded music or sharing of such. so some of you may end up losing your bank accounts, homes and maybe even your job. one example, a college kid had been working part-time to finance his education and had saved up $12 k; which, coincidentally, was EXACTLY the amount the R.I.A.A. found his "fine" to be. cheeky cunts. DON'T GET ME STARTED! if you are wondering if you may be apart of this legal fiasco and for a partial list of kazaa folks listed by their user names, go to this addy: "http://www.techtv.com/news/culture/story/0,24195,3484600,00.html" (sorry, having a problem with linking it)

27.7.03 07:53 Permalink / 3 Comments / comment

QUESTION: ARE ALL YOUR FAV POP STARS GOING MAD? RADIOHEAD obviously doesn't give two shits what anybody thinks. and that attitude is spreading quicker than piss on a flat surface. first up, mr. peace and love, STEPHEN DUFFY, who apparently is not interested in either peace or love anymore (just jack daniels. and lots of it) seems he wasn't happy being hyped to the heavens by super fan (let's just call him "mr. c") who made more fans for duffy in the past few years than he himself managed to do in his entire career. "mr. c" went out of his way to supply free for the asking, any and all of mr. duffy's out of print work to the hundreds of adoring duffy/lilac time fans around the world. made quite a few people happy as clams. created a one man buzz machine for stephen. mr. duffy's answer was to supply our boy "mr. c" with a "cease and desist" order, demanded all of the material (which he himself didn't even have copies of) and told him to piss off from the duffy lover's group (a yahoo online community of all things duffy) and then posting on his website that he and "mr. c" would be working closely together in the future. the resulting row has pretty much killed the whole group thing. then just as i am getting used to all the hypocrisy of mr. duffy, i see another mega-fav of mine, MORRISSEY, has placed a "cease and desist" order on the biggest morrissey fan site because "someone" posted a rumour that mr. morrissey did not pay his road crew for his last american jaunt. who fucking cares? certainly steven does. and is apparently even upset about it. steven, just let it go. and pay the guys for all their hard gaff. i love you but DON'T GET ME STARTED! i guess i am just a nostalgic shitedog but i remember a time when pop stars WANTED fans. wanted to sell records. pretended to care about their fans. well fuck me for caring. my point is, can't these pop stars see that their fans are NOT the enemy? they should consider themselves lucky that these very fans are so interested in every move these stars make. somebody has to provide for them and the labels aren't/haven't been doing it. seems both of these stars are headed for internet only releases in the very near future and if they continue to piss off their fan base, quite simply, they are fucked. keep your eyes peeled for both boys bagging your goods at your local supermarket. DON'T GET ME STARTED!

16.6.03 10:43 Permalink / 1 Comment / comment

ANSWER: THE PROBLEM WITH RADIOHEAD IS: now don't get me wrong, i don't NOT like radiohead as people or as a band. i just question, what the fuck is thom's problem?. everything seems to point to insecurities. which of course to outside eyes seems unfounded, but who knows what goes on in his radiohead. when they really started to establish themselves, he was trying way too hard to do the kurt cobain thing. even dyed his hair the same colour. did the same stalking about the stage, rocking front to back. then later he seems to get a hold of himself a bit-enough to create a new image for himself-the 'martin short' inspired mad-but-polite-singer who you just couldn't take your eyes off. then he became the recluse, hiding out while the music went mad. now that they are mounting a big push for the latest album, he's gone awol again. i saw them live and guess what? RADIOHEAD never showed up! the music started up, even sounded familiar. but it wasn't them at all. it was COLDPLAY. same singer, same beard, hunched over playing that same bloody pub piano, right in the middle front of the stage. i am a bit confused because i always thought that COLDPLAY wanted to be RADIOHEAD, not the other way around. is he taking the piss, or what? and how can a whole band just go missing like that? and no one seems too concerned. not seen anything about it in the papers. no pix on milk containers. well, i for one am quite concerned that they have been taken away from us because they exposed too much about all the things "the powers that be" don't want us to know. like how does he do that shit with his eye? DON'T GET ME STARTED!

16.6.03 10:36 Permalink / 1 Comment / comment

QUESTION: WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH RADIOHEAD? latest interview i read, jonnny says that they are back to being the radiohead of old. no more alienating the fans with second rate blind electro scratching on the windowpane (see "kid a" and the follow up "we don't have a fecking clue") but it seems he lied. i got a copy of the offending disc last month and am NOT impressed. you tell me how a band can put out two of the finest albums of the last decade ("the bends", "ok computer") yet somehow manage to think that they have suddenly mastered the genre and feel the need to move on to "create something a little more challenging" (read: shite) all you have to do is go to your oldies section of any CD shop and check out most anything underground from the last of the seventies to see it's all been done before and mercifully, quite better. i just don't get it. there's a very old saying that goes something like, "if it ain't broken don't fix it". apparently our mr. yorke has never heard it. perhaps if we let dwight yorke run the band for awhile we might get a decent noise out of them yet again. seems another singer/songwriter did something along the same lines last decade. an eccentric young man named david sylvian who was loved above anything else for his voice. his answer was to stop singing and make instrumental records exclusively. what a wanker. he is still in the biz but he only sells about a dozen CDs per release. DON'T GET ME STARTED!

15.6.03 03:17 Permalink / 3 Comments / comment